So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
