Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
