his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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