I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
