This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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