i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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