If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
