Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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