...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
