Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
