the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
