i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
