I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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