The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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