I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
