LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
