Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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