i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm jealous of your bromance
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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