Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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