So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
