I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
