some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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