Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
