You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This house was built for laser tag.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
