she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
