Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
