"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
