didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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