I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
