I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
