dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
