he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
being pregnant is like rehab
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
