East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
