Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
