Non-Jews are for practice
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
