we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
BRING THE BAGELS
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
