I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
