Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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