I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
