Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
