Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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