May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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