how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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