My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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