the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
