he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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