**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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