Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
