lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
