i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
