I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
