I'm lost and stupid without you.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
