Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
