He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize