There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I party with great urgency now.
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