Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
