i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
