i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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