If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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