So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
