Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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