tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
