dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
