We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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