when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
