Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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